Leave Me Alone

For the past couple of days, I always found myself staring into space, mostly filled with self-doubt and debating with myself on whether or not I should just wallow in my sorrows or explore new ideas.   It was a tough battle (I know I sound as if I’m dealing with life & death.)  On one end I was nagging myself for being depressed.  Sure we’re dealing with a lot of challenges this year but I have no right to be sad: I have food to eat, a colorful (and very messy) place where I get to sleep in peace and I have friends, family & a hubby who spoils me with art materials!

Speaking of the hubby. That’s him–his alter ego in clay made by Al Estrella

So, last night, I tried something new.  I’ve been struggling with watercolor for a while now.  Watercolor is meant for gradients and layering and here I was abusing it by painting solid colors and finishing my work with heavy outlines when they’re supposed to blend seamlessly.  Sure, you may say there are no rules when it comes to using art materials but a bunch of gouache tubes were hiding in a gloomy box inside the house.  I tried using gouache last year and I just thought it was too stubborn. It won’t move.  On the other hand, watercolor which made my heart beat fast (not out of excitement but panic) because it was fluid enough to move around my paper (especially to the areas where I didn’t want it to go).

Suprisingly, there were so many eureka moments last night!  For one, I finally found that this medium may actually be my match! Don’t I sound like that girl who has a new boyfriend after n boyfriends who always feels that the current one is her soulmate?  Well, this isn’t love, this is art so feel free to experiment & ditch the last one if it didn’t work for you. 😉

Second, through experimentation (which I’m always scared of), I was able to produce the colors I liked! Ha!  Finally, I understood what some artists would say, “Don’t ask the next artists what her tools & brands are: just keep on experimenting with new stuff you’ll find along the way.”  You probably already know how addicted I am to colors (at which point you would’ve probably gone “Duh! I can see your blog lay-out while I’m reading this”).  So, sans the earthquake drama last night, I was actually going, “Oh my gosh!! Finally the shade of red violet that I like!” 

Cutting Mania = Instant Therapy

I’ve been working on mostly digital artworks and photos and I always have sliders to deal with when it comes to adjusting colors.  So it felt a bit tricky when I was just left with my own hands–no apps, no post-processing software!   I’ve also been wondering why I would always find myself working on separate elements first before putting them together instead of just doing a sketch & filling it in with colors even on paper.  Then I realized that with the digital stuff I do, that’s pretty much my workflow. *Ahh..I’m losing you. I’ve been talking to myself.*  I always have to be able to move the elements around just in case I didn’t like the way I arranged them the first time. 😛 Hence the cutting mania so that I could just arrange & rearrange the leaves (…because I have issues. Hehehehe.)

Anyway, what I’m saying is, at the end of the day, I always try to change things but I keep on coming back to my original style no matter how far I veer away from it. 🙂 As this Dawson’s Creek song would go,

“trying to draw the line between who you are and who you invent”

So, it’s up to us which ones we’ll absorb and which ones we should let go when it comes to drawing (or life in general).  *Gahhh..This gloomy weather is turning this blog post a reflection paper of sortssss!*

So, what is it that brought me here?  The other day, Mansy of Hey Kessy & I were supposed to craft but I ended up sharing with her all my woes & dilemmas in life. *Woops!* I’m so happy she was patient enough to hear me out while working on this awesome, intricate jellyfish she was cutting effortlessly.  I was afraid to touch it! I mean, I’m the clumsiest person around & I don’t want that visit to her place to be my last. Hehehehe.

So, after all that yakking I made, me were able to trim it down to two things: (a) It’s just me & my mind that’s been telling me that I CAN’T do it & (b) Mansy shared with me that if I have any ideas, I should work on them right away so that I’m able to correct myself while I’m on the process instead of me just letting my ideas evolve ceaselessly & uncontrollably inside my head. 🙂

So there. “Leave Me Alone”: a cheesy title for a blog post about leaves and the struggle to leave all the negative thoughts behind.

If you’re still with me, thank you & congratulations for making it to this part!  It’s a cloudy & rainy Thursday but may we all be oblivious and unaffected by this moody weather. 🙂

XOXO,

Tipsy ❤ 🙂